ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
