After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
