JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you traded sex for a burrito?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
