Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
