Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
