Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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