So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
