brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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