I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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