Swine flu. Run for my life!
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
