The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
