is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
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Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
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Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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