I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
