Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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