last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
