Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
