I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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