I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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