If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
