After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
