he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
