My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
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we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
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Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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