I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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