Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Randomize
