Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I could make wine with my vomit
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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