whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
