You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
