she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
