You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
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well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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