This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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