Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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