You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
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I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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