he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
