HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
