ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
