Someone shit on the floor
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
