i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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