the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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