he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
