apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
