what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
