I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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