from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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