wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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