And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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