dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Dicks are not precious.
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