just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
