oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
