3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
