ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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