How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
