don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
These tits shall not be calmed
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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