It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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