i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
