If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
