I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
