Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I pour the whiskey from now on
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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