seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
