I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
