his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
