I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
