i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
