come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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