So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
