I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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