O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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