"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
