Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
