My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
