I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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