i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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