Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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