actually, I'm a sock model
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize